no follow through..

so every now and again i get these great ideas of all the things i want to change, or i want to do more of -- or less of.. and it's always with good intention. but i never can follow through.. and it is so frustrating to me.. and i didn't get it until my ride home from work after mentally beating myself up for all the things i did opposite of what i wanted to do.. here is an example.. i would tell myself "i don't like to gossip.. i know it's wrong.. i always hate the feeling after i do it.. I AM GOING TO STOP! ".. then the next day i would see or hear something that would just be IMPOSSIBLE to keep in, or just be apart of a conversation that i JUST HAD TO chime in on.. i would be be so mad at myself and the devil because i just knew he knew i was trying to do better and he brought on all this temptation that i just couldn't fight.. (of course this is a very ugly but light example, but i not going to air all my dirty laundry.. at least not today) but i've come to realize that i do not have the strength to "do better" on my own.. i do believe the enemy attacks harder when i desire to grow closer to God, BUT if i start making God apart of the solution to all my bad habits and seek him about the changes He wants me to make then He will give me the power to overcome any of the attacks of the enemy, make good solid changes, and be alright with making mistakes.. i think things will be alot less frustrating when i don't keep failing because i choose to stand alone, but instead start depending on God and accepting His grace when i do mess up.. i mean lately it's been bad, lots of great ideas for change, and not one of them did i pray and seek God about.. and not one of them has been a solid change.. anyways, just thought i would share :).